Jodie – 30 Years gone

It’s difficult to believe that thirty years have passed since the death of my oldest sister Jodie.  She was only 36 years old when she died and all five of us siblings have long passed that age.  One of the things she said to me when she was dying is, “I want you to remember me young and cute.”  That was an easy thing to do.  And it gets easier every passing year. 

I decided to use this week’s post to show a few photos of her during each decade of her life.  I also thought I’d share some of the writing from my journal for the year of her death.   So that is what will follow this paragraph.

Jodie died at 12:15 in Mamma’s arms on November 6, 1989.  I write this with tears in my eyes two weeks later.  I love her and will miss being able to talk to her and be with her.  She has always been there since I was born.  The first child and I was the fifth.  My earliest memory is from when we lived in Lake Charles and I was less than two years old.  I remember sitting near the end of the driveway at 1317 Clover Drive with her.  She was playing jacks and I was watching her.  All of my memories of her seem to be sunny now.  I like that.

In February Jodie called to let me know that she would be having surgery on Tuesday February 21 in the morning.  She called each of us siblings because she wanted the news to be heard from her.  The surgery was for what they thought was a hernia in her stomach.  When they did a CAT scan of her abdomen, they discovered a tumor at the bottom of her rib cage on the right side.  The surgery became exploratory and they later did tests on the tumor.  Sometimes later she let us know that it was lymphoma, a type of cancer that is easily cured (IF caught early enough).  The doctors felt positive in being able to get rid of it.

She began chemotherapy some time in March.  I called and talked to her on March 19, 1989, and told her about getting to meet Amy Grant two days earlier.  Jamie was there visiting and she told me that she was pregnant for the third time.

Sat. April 8, 1989 – Rene & Michael’s wedding day.  The wedding was nice.  Had good visit with college friends at reception.

May 7, 1989 – Crawfish boil with The Phone volunteers.  Yum!

May 12, 1989 – 10 yr reunion from high school.  It was fun to see everyone.

May 20, 1989 – Bought car stereo so trip to Jodie’s next week wouldn’t seem so long.  Called Mama for her birthday.

I went to visit Jodie and Randy and Chris and Kyle on Friday, May 26, 1989.  I got there around 7:30.  We had a good visit.  Jodie was in about her eleventh week of chemotherapy.  It was really toxic to the body.  She had lost weight and her hair.  She tired easily and needed lots of rest. 

May 27, 1989 – Went to the Rhodes’ camp after going to see Chris play T-ball…

May 28, 1989 – Went to eat at Dairy Queen.  Then we came back and watched “Robin Hood” and “American Tail.”  I talked with Jodie and Chris.  Jodie says he’s been a big help for her.  Getting things for her and taking care of himself more.  She says she’s trying to prepare them to do things for themselves…

During this time I decided to talk to her about the possibility of dying.  It is what we were all afraid of.  Why deny it and avoid it?  It is the thing that scared us the most.  I kept thinking it wasn’t as bad as other cases and that it shouldn’t be happening at all – not to our family.  But it was.

June 22, 1989 – Jodie called about doing a bone marrow donation… There was a possibility of doing a high powered chemotherapy that would destroy her bone marrow to get rid of any traces of cancer once the rest was in remission.

June 30, 1989 – Flew to Denver to visit Rob and Robyn.  Went hiking in the mountains and had lots of talks.

July 8, 1989 – Went to Winter Park for a music festival with Rob and Robyn.

July 15, 1989 – Went canoeing with young adult group with cousins Kim and Wade.

July 16, 1989 – Began getting depressed about Jodie.  Things just didn’t seem to be going good.  The chemotherapy didn’t do the trick… Things weren’t going as smoothly as they were supposed to be according to what the doctors first said.  The possibility of Jodie dying began to be real and that was depressing.

July 22, 1989 – Went with Kim to Evangeline Downs with a bunch of her (our) family. 

July 23, 1989 – I began to worry that Jodie was going to die quickly.  Like she was going to go to the hospital for chemotherapy and die.  I was planning a vacation and worried that she would die while I was gone and I wouldn’t hear about it.

July 28, 1989 – With help from Kim, Rex, Lisa, and Mary, moved some of my stuff to my new apartment.  Apt. 107 at Concord Estates.  Diane let me borrow her truck.

August 12, 1989 – Went to Mom and Dad’s in Jennings.  We went to the Hine family reunion.   There were pretty many people there.  Played horseshoes.  Back to Baton Rouge for going away party for Megan and Ruben.

Aug. 18, 1989 – Started vacation.

Aug. 21, 1989 – museums in Washington, DC

Aug. 25, 1989 – Went to the Statue of Liberty…

Aug. 28, 1989 – Went on the “Freedom Trail” in Boston

Aug. 30, 1989 – Back home

Sept. 1, 1989 – Chris’s 8th birthday.  Called and talked to Jodie and Chris.  Told her about my vacation, especially about the bear.  We had a good talk.

Sept. 3, 1989 – Went to Houma for Sarah’s 5th birthday.  Went to Sarah’s birthday party at bowling alley.  It was fun.  Later on everyone was sick and throwing up.

Sept. 18, 1989 – 2 years at BBECI.  Talked to Bob.  I got an eleven % raise because of re-evaluation.  I’m now making almost $30, 000 a year.  Good enough to keep me…  I’d like more, but don’t want to make any more major changes in my life:  just moved, relationship change, and situation with Jodie…

Sept. 21, 1989 –  Called Jodie…  she said the tumor in her abdomen was growing even with the chemotherapy.  She couldn’t undergo another treatment because of her low blood count.  Things were not looking up at the moment…

Sept. 24, 1989 – Went to visit the Moving Wall and went to the library.  Al called to see if I wanted to go skiing in January…

Oct. 1, 1989 – Mamma called to let me know what the doctors said to Jodie:  There is no more chemotherapy to try.  All of it has been tried and none of it worked.  It just hurt her and the cancer stayed.  There was nothing hopeful that they could do.  It was a very disturbing phone call.  I just want to yell for it all to stop.  Sobbed a bit.

Called Jodie.  She sounded positive about the possibility of radiation treatment.  She wanted to try anything to make it.  Especially for Chris and Kyle.

Friday, October 6, 1989 – Last visit with Jodie.  Al and Rob and their wives were also there.  Jodie’s abdomen had swollen noticeably in the last few weeks.  It was a scary thing to see.  She was slow in her movements and tired easily.  She was in good spirits.  We all played Pictionary.  It was fun.

Oct. 7, 1989 – Got up and visited… She talked about the tumor growing so rapidly in the last weeks and was really frightened because there wasn’t much room for it to grow anymore.  Mamma was there and I remember her telling me years before that she did not want to experience the death of any of her children.  I started to remind her of  that, but I couldn’t.  All I could say was, “I remember you telling me…” and I couldn’t go any further.  After I tried a second time, she got up and left.  She must have figured that if I couldn’t say it, she didn’t want to hear it…  Jodie was giving us some old photos of hers.  She was pretty sure she was dying and want to give us a few things.  She worried about how everyone was handling it and wanted to help us deal with it.

We were watching Chris and Kyle play.  Jodie said she knew they would probably play like that after she died.  Soon after she died.  She understood that it didn’t mean they didn’t care.  Kids play.  She said she could imagine Randy getting remarried and they would be a family.   I asked her if that is what she wanted.  She said, “Yes, I want them to be happy.  I want them to have a mother to love them.  I know that no one will love them as much as I do.”  Rob and Robyn left during the day.  It was difficult watching them say their goodbyes.

Oct. 8, 1989 – Visited for a while with Jodie and the family.  Then it was time for me to leave.  Jodie and I walked outside.  The boys were riding bikes and just playing around.  I was standing at the driver’s door of my car and she was on the other side of the car.  It was sunny and she was trying to block the sun from her eyes.  We were talking about a lot of different things.  She told me that Dennis had called her and talked to her.  She said she was polite to him.  He was a big part of her life at one point.  She talked about her family now.  She thought that her little family was so good the way it was.  She really regretted not being able to see Chris and Kyle grow up.  She also realized that they would be OK without her.  She had come to accept things really well.  She still had hopes for their family of four to continue a while longer.

She said that she was hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.  She said that we are never guaranteed another day.  I could die in a car wreck on my way back to Baton Rouge.  At least she had had time to prepare herself and those she knows as best she can.  I decided it was time to leave.  We both thought it would be the last time we’d see each other.  We hugged each other and started crying.  We talked a little more and then hugged goodbye again.  It was difficult leaving.  One of the hardest things in my life.  I told the boys goodbye and pulled out of the driveway.  Jodie had Chris and Kyle in the front yard on the bench and they waved to me.  It was sunny and nice weather.  I think I will always remember this day.  It was the last time I saw her alive.

I didn’t really journal much after this.  Jodie got progressively worse during the month.  We spoke a few times, but she was very weak.  As I said earlier, she died on November 6.  Actually, according to my mom, she died shortly before midnight on the 5th.  The coroner was called and came over after midnight.  Her death was officially listed as the 6th.  The family all got together in Franklin, Texas, for the wake and funeral.  I remember how comforting it was to have extended family there.  The most comforting ones were my parents’ siblings.  My younger sister Jamie and her family wasn’t there because Jamie was giving birth to her youngest daughter Beth.  We heard about it between the viewing and the funeral itself.  Such a bittersweet day.

I still miss you, Jodie.